Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
