Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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