i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
