you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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