i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
