After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
