when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
