Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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