I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
