You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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