I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
