you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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