I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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