maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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