I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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