So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
