She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
