Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
