She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
