So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
