I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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