I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
