I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dignity is for republicans.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
