woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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