im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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