Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
