If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
