If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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