i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
