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• (416): View more from Ontario

  I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.

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• (845): View more from New York

  No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back

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• (+79): View more from

  Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Youre my hero

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