you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
