Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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