yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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