i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
