Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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