the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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