Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
