i permit you to call me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
