I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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