Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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