I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
