I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
