good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
