We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
