Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
