I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
