i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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