i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
