I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
