I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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