put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
