i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
