i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
