oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
