Dude my mom stole all your condoms
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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