Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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