Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
