walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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